Can you remember the days when our trains always had a ‘guard’? I am about to return from Bedford to Yorkshire, and, when I last did this journey, I found myself in trouble, having mis-typed the return date when booking my ticket. As the ‘guard’ (now styled ‘Revenue Protection Officer’) was getting ready to remostrate with me, I disarmed him, smiling sweetly, with “I’m in my 80th year, and doing my best to keep up with all today’s digital dogma. Now, how would you like to punish me?” I got off with a warning. The young chap one seat forward wasn’t so lucky, a £20 on the spot fine for having used the incorrect ‘discount card’.